By: Olga Brooks
Do you remember or know the children’s book “If you give a mouse a cookie”? You might need to read it to see where I am going here with it.
If you let people be who they are, you will stop getting angry at them. When you stop getting angry at them, you will start feeling good about yourself. When you start feeling good about yourself, you might want to do more good in life. When you start doing more good in life, others might want to do more good as well. When everyone will do more good in life, they will make children happy. When they make children happy, the world becomes a better place. When the world becomes a better place you would let people be who they are. Easy isn’t it?
Not so. Why is it so difficult for us to let other people be who they are and still love them? Or like them. There is not even one person on earth who has never made a mistake in life, ourselves including. But we still want other people to be who we want them to be or not to be and do what we want them to do or not to do.
Is it us? Is it them? It is just the way life is, as many might say. You might say it’s all self explainable and we all get it. There are no perfect people. We all judge. Well, let’s look at it closely from the perspective you might have forgotten. So, I am here to just remind you about it.
When a child is born everyone looks at her saying “Look at this precious and perfect bundle of joy!” Clearly, the child is all wrinkled and blue. And everyone’s so happy to love whoever it turns out to be. No asking for a special look or a character. In simple words “You get what you get” and everyone is happy. Fast forward 15, 25, 35,….65 years later. Remember those times of you looking in the mirror and you saw pimples and wrong shapes and later on wrinkles. Were you ashamed of how others would be seeing you?
Now here can be a very inexplicable, reverted world wide falling away from the self.
The child is born. You are born and everyone is looking at you like you are a marvel. And even when you make that first black poop all think that you are the best stinky baby ever.
And even when you don’t let mom sleep for about 3-5 years through the night without interruption she still thinks you are a perfect human being. You break things in a house. Many things. You are still perfect.
You draw on the furniture, you are still the best.
So when does it happen that we become so not perfect?
My own guess would be when we start to speak. But not right away. It takes some time for grown ups to enjoy the blabbering first. Then an amazement of more words pouring out of your little mouth. Then it starts turning into a bit of a problem.
Remembering my second child at the age of two who learned to put two words together he would non stop saying stupid and his brother’s name. I can’t even tell how he learned it at that time. But he did. At first we were in shock to hear it and it was kinda cute when he pronounced the words. Until it turned out to be a non stop nightmare for me. Now his brother wasn’t that bothered much because I am telling it sounded more cute than malicious. For two months. Every day. Every five minutes of the day. I wanted him to stop.
There. I said it. We want others to stop. Stop saying. Stop saying things to us we don’t want to hear. Now is it about us or about them? Of course us.
How about this one. Everyone says “You should not care what people think about you”. And I had said it many times “I am who I am. I don’t care what people say.” But do I?
What happens when we want people to be the way we want them to be? Some might think of their own control issues. Some about their ego. Some would just skip through many experiences when people were not good enough for them and move on unto another experience in search for a better one. What about the child? That was loved no matter what? How did we fall out of that understanding that every person is born perfect. The question would be how do we become imperfect even though we are born into perfection to grow into a better potential as we grow up?
What really happens with us all?
What happens when we are unable to influence others to be what is comfortable more for us, not for them?
Simple. We move on. Let others be them.
We separate from people who we can’t relate or have positive experiences with.
But here is what happens behind the scene. We might decide we don’t like them for who they are and what they do and stand for. But the opposite of it what we really want was to unite and have shared experiences in a unified collaborative way.
Let me say this again in a way so you understand. You are leaving a relationship not because you want to separate, but because you wanted a relationship or a dialogue, a union. These two polarities are acting at the same moment together creating a shock or an explosion when they collide together.
You see, we all want connection and progress. We never wish “Oh, I wish to separate and be on my own and build my life alone. For myself and be at peace.” No we always want to share our experiences, thoughts, dreams, bodies, food, smiles. We want to share many things with others. In fact this is what we have in our thoughts. “I wish this person came to my party. But she is too busy and she decided not to.” We don’t say “Yeah, I invited her and she didn’t come. I am so happy.” We do everything for connection. Everything.
You might say it’s obvious. But then why do you forget it the next time you want to be with a person but you want that person to be different for you? How about this. Next time you go into the remodeling of another human being mode, embrace for who they are and share the experiences. I know what you are thinking now.
“Right. I am absolutely not accepting his points of views. In fact his views are….” Stop! Right there.
Here is the moment. You don’t have to experience another person’s level of understanding life. Both of you have those levels. What do you do with them? Do you jump on to his level and try to pull him up or go down with her? No, no. Do you know you can go even higher in your own evolutionary level if you leave that person to be where he is. And see what happens after.
Because he might , just might, start to understand at some point what you did. You gave him that space to grow. By going up yourself and another human would always want to follow as well. It might not happen right away. But in most cases when you step away, people want to move. In whatever direction is not your problem. They might choose to move to learn their life’s lessons from others and not from you any longer. Or they might see the value in learning those lessons with you. With the freedom of the space you give them. One amazing fact of letting others be who they are is giving you freedom to be you.
How? By letting go of frustration, disappointments, expectations because those are not the states that we love to be in. Our true natural state of being is happiness and union. Negativity creates unnatural energies that we resent and oppose. And remember how free it feels to just be and experience and learn? Of course we are growing even now.
Here you can argue that we need each other to grow. Yes, but growing needs it’s space. And that is when many people ended up alone, they realized many things about themselves and decided to use that space not to feel lonely, but to expand. I have a few friends like that. And even not going too far. I had done it myself as well. Spending two weeks a month totally alone creates a space for growing and expansion. Understanding and connection to myself. But also it helps to let go of others and let them be. Give them the same space to be themselves.
So, if you give a mouse a cookie. If the world becomes a better place in your experience, the world becomes your home where you can grow and expand. You won’t be getting crushed by being molded and formed into what the world wants you to be. Remember that baby that was and is perfect to grow and learn more and more. And that baby is still you. The one who is adorned and loved even when she or he makes mistakes.
So, let others be themselves. And as for us, let’s move up the level and be ourselves first. The precious humans we are.
Don’t miss these other great writings by Olga Brooks
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